The Priestess and the Beast
by Aero Dream
Summary: Nobody would've guessed that the humorless and stuck-up Aoi Kunieda was desperate to find a husband, or that she would try the clichéd 'amazon beauty looking for a man to best her in a fight' way to get him. Tatsumi Oga shouldn't have declared Ishiyama's Queen as his son's mother so hastily, with the rancid luck he's been having recently. OgaxQUEEN.
1. Prologue

**SEPT2014: **It's come to my attention that the old first chapter sucked all kinds of chicken's dad (THE MAGIC OF HONEST REVIEWS). So I have included some extra-info to make it look less whiny on Aoi's reaction and less bitchy on her momma's side. That's what happens when one just jumps the gun and publishes their crap. Uh... yeah. That's a sad problem I have with making prologues. I'm starting to think it'd be better to get straight to the plot and give up on this shit. Honestly, if it isn't well received either I'm going to take down this part and just roll with it and make things easier for everyone involved.

**Pre-story notes:** this is a lighthearted story. Not to the level Humor/Parody, but since it's based in a comedy anime (which I don't own)... well, you get the idea.

This is also Oga/Kunieda, yes, but not with the spaz Kunieda. I'm just not into the airheaded girl shrieking at every misunderstanding and moping around with her crush being oblivious—although there will be misunderstandings and obliviousness galore in here.

Finally, this is written in first person. I have this aversion to it (hate repeating the 'I' so much), and my English Language teacher tells me to get over it and keep practicing, because what am I supposed to do? Speak about myself in third person forever?

I said: "No! I'll speak about _other_ people in first person!"

His face told me he thought I was an idiot.

* * *

**[PROLOGUE]**

_**A Past Story**_

* * *

My head was swimming with fear when I arrived to father's shrine.

I couldn't help but think that the small war boiling under the surface of my husband's organization, the Kunieda group, was my fault. There weren't strong reasons to say that; it all just happened so suddenly—one day my husband's younger brother brought up the matter of heritage.

Aoi wasn't fit to be the next in line. Not because she was a woman, not because she didn't care about the group... it was because out of the family nobody really supported her. I'm still wondering about that. It's something that only my husband and his backstabbing young brother know.

I wanted to find out what it is. After a month I could only get from them that my daughter 'was too much like my father'. I don't get it! Is it because she's obsessed with being a Shrine Maiden? It has to be that. But why would that make her unfit?

It's all bullshi—I mean, I hate not knowing whatever they're talking about, but I know it can't be just that.

Fact is that they don't like the influence my father had in my daughter. And THAT is exclusively my fault. That's why I feel like this stupid rebellion is my responsibility.

I pushed Aoi away from me, and she went seeking someone else to look up to.

My twin Shiori had a daughter identical to mine. It was freaky, but funny in that 'what are the damn odds' way. It was a combination of my sarcasm and her easygoing humor that convinced us to give them the same name and treat her as the same person—we loved making mischief when we were young by swapping to mess with other's heads, and we thought it was funny to keep messing with everyone through our daughters.

Now that I think about it, Shiori's husband has always been adamant that it's unnatural to have twins from different mothers and my husband agrees. That's why neither of them protested when they decided to work in a shrine with the geezer, even if my sister and I didn't like the idea.

Anyway, that ended being a terrible idea. _Now_ I see it. We choked them with our stupid game like the geezer choked us with tradition and that goddamned shrine. They worked extra-hard to find their own identities; my Aoi adhered herself to her grandfather's beliefs and Shiori's girl was quite happy to go and become an elite student of excellent reputation who wouldn't be caught dead hanging with criminals.

It's stupid and I still don't get it all, but the point is that we made ourselves be the evil witches. Now they're cold with us at best and openly hostile at worst, specially my Aoi. It went to the point that even if she had the qualifications to be the new leader, she wouldn't do it just to spite me. Just like I rejected shrines and holy shits to become a delinquent and get away from geezer's —_father's,_ my husband insists that it's time I bury the hatchet— control-freak tendencies.

Maybe it's not fair. Maybe he had changed over the years. The only thing I know is that he's the one who unburied the hatchet and swung it at me when he took away Aoi. It was on purpose, I know! He never showed so much affection to any of his daughters, but he pretended to be the good geezer to turn Aoi on me like he did with my old gang!

I'd love to declare 'I won't let him get away with it'. But it's already too late.

If only I had fought harder to keep Aoi with me... I tried coaxing her into at least some kind of distaste for her grandfather's trade, but she just wouldn't listen. I should've been more forceful. I should've used everything I could to make her see it.

Because I wasn't, she still will be unhappy.

She already isn't considered a fit successor. The Kunieda group needs another heir, but I can't have children anymore. It's actually my husband's infertility, which his charming brother knows all too well and has used to corner us, but as far as everyone else knows my body is too weak to bring another heir.

If only my sister hadn't proclaimed to everyone that Kota was hers, I could've done something on that side. But for all Shiori's happy-go-lucky attitude, she would probably murder me before allowing her child to get involved into this.

That only leaves us one option; to continue the bloodline through my daughter _as soon as possible_. Before all the discord planted in the Kunieda group explodes. We still have time, a pair of years at least, but my damn brother-in-law will keep undermining us in the meantime. Slowly but surely, until he has us where we wants us.

Then he'll pull the trigger and all hell will break loose. A revolt inside the group will shake the hackles of the old sourpusses—sorry, _rivals_ that will not only try to overthrow my husband, who gave me everything when I had nothing, but he's the kind of man who will go the extra-mile to hunt down and kill his allies to make sure nobody knifes him in the back if he wins.

That will include anyone remotely able to claim the chair.

For example... Aoi.

For all that I hate her choice, I want her to be happy with her life. I want her to be able to return to her dreams after all is said and done. I would prefer if she aimed for a life where she could support herself and have a stable job, but still...

Ah, I'm certain she wouldn't be able to understand. I can't bring myself to tell her everything in case the 'rivals' feel that she knows too much, and she won't listen to me when I speak to her. It's all that teenage angst and rebellion, I'm sure, but still hurts that she's so fast on dismissing me.

* * *

Our mothers were twins. Even their husband's last names were similar: Kunieda and Kunie. Sure, they married different types of men each and led radically different lifestyles, but in the essence they were identical. It didn't faze them at all; they even thought it was funny.

Was it any wonder, then, that they got pregnant at the same time and gave us birth the same day at the same hospital? And somehow, our stupid mothers thought it was funny to make us share the name, because why not? It's not like we, contrary to them, would want our individuality. They could've chosen similar names, like theirs (Shion and Shiori). But no.

You think it was all there was to it and I'm just being a brat? My cousin and I—we are identical. Uncannily identical, as if we were real twins too. And our tastes are so similar it's scary. Sometimes our family, sans our mothers, treated us as the same person. 'Aoi, didn't I tell you to take out the garbage?' 'You have shrine duty today, Aoi' 'But you already had cake, Aoi!'...

The only one who isn't a complete idiot is our grandfather. He could differentiate us even when we used each other's clothes. For him, I was Aoi-chan and she was Kuni-chan. When I asked him about it, he told me it was his ability to read auras. "You both are so different is ridiculous" he said with a hearty chuckle.

I was so grateful at him for that. When two children are for all intents and purposes forced to be identical, they will struggle harder to mark the differences. But for him to set us as different since so early in our lives was... I don't have words to describe it. So when our mothers tried to tell him that we wouldn't become Shrine Maidens and he should really let that tradition rest in peace, I stepped up and told them that I wanted to do it. Even if they scared me with threats about celibacy and boring stuff that I would probably want to get rid of in my teens, I stubbornly declared that I wanted to be the next Shrine Maiden.

So they did the next stupid thing they could: they sent Kuni to train too, and she got a bit sour about it. I couldn't fault her, I really couldn't. Kuni wasn't even trying to be one and told me point blank that she wanted children and a husband and a white picket fence. Her real reason to get along with it was clear to me when she touched my cheek and made me turn to see ojii-chan's excited face, while he rambled proudly about having his two girls to leave his legacy on.

I just couldn't disappoint ojii-chan.

And he didn't disappoint me.

He told us he knew that I wanted to be a Shrine Maiden while Kuni just wanted to take a breather from our weird mothers, so he would teach me everything to become his successor while Kuni would get the basics because 'no niece of him was going to be a defenseless damsel'.

I became engrossed in learning my duties and harnessing my energies, in fabricating charms and making all the old rituals. With how much I cared to be a perfect successor and how little my Ojii-chan cared about the frenzied modern world, I slowly stopped thinking about school. My grades were pitiful. That, more than any violent tendency, was what made me end up in that dumpster Ishiyama High. Kuni on the other hand was more concerned with the outside world, and even if she wasn't an obnoxious city gal (not with her helpful disposition and ridiculous romantic strike), she was focused enough in her studies (and had enough money) to end at St. Ishiyama High.

Just when I was starting to think that my life was settled and I could even leave school for all I cared, my mother made her last bid at pissing me off. 'I should care more about my future...' 'The shrine won't stay up forever, and if I didn't learn about the real world...' 'I had to have a child as soon as possible!'

That part of her rambling made me cough and eye her incredulously. Even now I remember that stupid conversation as if it was yesterday.

"What did you say?"

"You know that your father is the head of the Kunieda group" she said seriously. "And he needs an heir. Now, I know that you don't want that and I respect it... but at least, you have to get a child."

I stood up, almost spilling my green tea "Why?! Why does he need a child? Can't he chose Kota? You already act as if Kuni and I are the same, so you should believe that he's your kid too, right? Or you can have one!"

"It can't be Kota, and I can't have another child...my body wouldn't be able to handle it" she was so infuriating. Not even bothering to deny my accusations! "Look, the problem isn't about tradition. We are in the new century, and people that cling to outdated beliefs are disappearing" and was that a slight to my ojii-chan? That-that hag! She stood up and seized me by the shoulders, making me stop in my internal rambling "It's about human lives, Aoi! If you don't have a male child, the family will go to war! The atmosphere is tense; we have internal problems and scuffles firing off any day. The Kunieda group is big, but is already so loosely held... if they go to war, at least half of them will be eliminated. That's around two hundred men. Two hundred deaths! If you are so dedicated to god, you must take this responsibility-"

*Slap*

I glared at her "This Shrine is not about God. If you had any semblance of interest about me, you would already know that ojii-chan and I are exorcists. You've been so busy with your 'group', and now you want me to go get pregnant to help you? You really have nerve, old hag!"

"It's not about me either!" she shrieked, her eyes filling with tears. "Hundreds will die! Hundreds! At least consider it, Aoi. Please, if not for me, then for those lives! Just the existence of a legitimate male heir will be enough!"

"Why don't you ask my cousin?!" I shot back. "She's the one who wants to get married!"

"For the same reason Kota isn't good enough! They don't have any relation to your father! But you do and—"

"Get out"

The room was chilling, and my aura was flaring strongly. The cups in the table shattered under the pressure.

"Get out of here. Get out and don't come back. Leave us out of your crimes and deal with your responsibility by yourself!"

"I am your mother. Do you think that you can really scare me?" she narrowed her eyes. "Then, how about this? I'll use the power of the Kunieda group to close the Shingetsu Shrine if you don't have a kid by your eighteenth birthday. You already betrayed your father by choosing to stay here, and thanks to your egoism a bloodbath is on its way to us. I wanted to give you freedom, to be out of this traditionalistic madness... but you don't want to listen. So we'll do things the hard way."

I gaped, feeling my stomach drop and my back shiver "You are a demon... you fiend... how dare you... do you have any idea of how ojii-chan will take it?"

She straightened proud and dignified, as I had never seen her before "When I was your age I hated your grandfather so much... the years have softened him up, but before he was so adamant in forcing us to become Shrine Maidens that we ended hating him. Your aunt went to become a doctor but I became a delinquent to get back at him, not thinking in the future until I was out of school and with no idea of what to do. Your father gave his love to me. The Kunieda group took me in. For them... for them I will become a demon if it's necessary" her eyes softened. "I love you, Aoi. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, I'm a useless mother, a pea brained ex-delinquent. But I love you. I didn't want to put you in this pinch."

"So what, you'll beg, menace and guilt trip me into it?" I hissed. She had never been this profound before, and it was getting to me.

"Yes. You could leave your child at my care, you wouldn't have to get away from this Shrine" now she was trying to convince me. "And I would make sure to give yearly donations to the place, put it under protection. If there's a problem with celibacy... well, I'll leave you to be imaginative. As long as nobody knows, this problem might be..."

"Don't put me in this mess!" I barked, raising again my aura and lifting the wooden sword that I always carried around, pointing it to her. "As I said... get out of here."

She sighed, grim faced. "It will change nothing..."

"GET OUT!"

And that's what happened. I was barely sixteen years old, and she was asking me to have a child. Didn't I say that she was insane?

That put a severe damp in my plans. I didn't want to tell ojii-chan what transpired between us for fear that he would walk to the Kunieda group and do something stupid, he was that hard headed.

But he was also very cunning, and already knew about the situation.

"Aoi" he told me three days later, while I was practicing my Nadeshiko hit. "Any man that you might consider will have to get my approbation first. I won't allow anyone but the best to be at your side... so you better search for someone strong, brave and with morals that can take care of you. I won't worry about anything else."

My hand slipped and I almost face planted in the log I was trying to slice "But—but I can't just go having a child!"

He just smirked shrewdly "Then adopt one. Your hopeless mother had a point; as long as nobody thinks he's not yours, it'll be fine. All the paperwork can be faked, as long as you have a baby that you can call yours. And that goes for the man, too. As long as he's honorable and agrees to act his part, we can make the ruse work."

That was it. You all can see where it headed me to, but I'll explain just for the sake of it.

I had to assist school and did so, but not for studying. I was scouting for a potential man; even if he was a delinquent, as long as he agreed to play make-believe and met ojii-chan's standards I didn't have any problem. I would be a Shrine Maiden anyway, so even something mushy as attraction wasn't necessary. But it got tiring, going around and spying on men...

At my second year and months before I became seventeen, I was desperate enough to do just about anything—my mother was becoming insistent and strange people could be seen near the Shrine. She gave me until my eighteenth birthday to have a kid, but making one takes nine months...

In this, Kuni was the one who shone and suggested me to start readying the farce. To make it more believable I started to 'get pregnant', stuffing clothes and then pillows and taking pictures to fabricate proof. If someone insisted that they saw me plain and obviously non-pregnant, I could argue that they saw Kuni acting as me to cover my pregnancy and avoid me the discrimination of being a teenage mother. She was the one who came with the idea and then something to get me the man: if I became the strongest woman in the school, surely strong men would come and issue a challenge to me—she even added the classic rule of 'whoever can beat her will have her'. Of course, I had to dress up and try to be as attractive as I could to get them interested.

If you are thinking that it was a ridiculous idea then congratulations, you are smart and right, but frankly I was way beyond miffed with all the man-hunt that didn't get me anywhere and willing to give it a try.

Surprisingly, it worked. Men rained over me. Unfortunately, they were all small fry—they couldn't win against the heiress of the Shingetsu style. So after countless of men beaten by my sword I became known as 'The Queen' Kunieda and was acknowledged as the strongest in the school along another three men. From them I shortly considered Himekawa, because he was crafty and popular enough to act as the father... sadly he was weaker than a newborn and I was positive ojii-chan would pulverize him on sight. He was also an ass, although he became civilized once I made him meet my wooden sword. Kanzaki was even more arrogant, and an idiot to boot. That left Hidetora Tōjo. I had met him in person once and deemed him stronger than me just by seeing him pummel some unlucky bastards, but every time I searched for him he was 'at his part-time job' or 'he just went away'.

Finally, accepting the fact that there wasn't anyone worth it at Ishiyama (and suspecting that Tōjo was avoiding me), I traveled to Hokkaido intent on conquering over the female delinquents out there and expand my horizons. The bigger my legend became, the more men would flock at me. I even became the leader of the Red Tails in the process, and gained a small posse of followers...

And that was pretty much it.

When I came back from Hokkaido it was to see Kuni taking care of Kota and speaking about a scary man he met at the park, who punched the lights out of a police officer to defend her.

"...he was around our age and pretty strong, Onee" she smiled, helping me to put on the long white coat that I had taken to use. "And he had a green haired baby boy... maybe if I see him again, I can ask him to come and see you."

"That sounds like a good idea" I frowned pensively. "We can offer him money; I bet the old hag will bury him on it if we tell her is for her precious group. And that would solve my problem with the baby too. What was his name? Did you remember to ask?"

"Of course I did! His name is Oga Tatsumi."

"Oga Tatsumi? The first year, called Rampaging Ogre? Interesting" I felt a smirk in my face. "They say he did in Kanzaki and Himekawa while I was away...not that you need more than a slap to do it, but the fact that a first year had the guts..."

"Eeh?!" Kuni raised a hand to her mouth. "You must be joking! Yes, he was scary, but he was also polite and cared a lot for his child..."

'Great Inari, this is sounding better and better!' the smirk was hurting my cheeks "That means that he isn't evil. You make him sound as a decent man, something unheard of at Ishiyama..."

Oga Tatsumi. I had to check him out. Maybe use as excuse those rumors of him destroying the school? I had a good feeling about that!

"You look scary, Onee" Aoi sweat dropped.

* * *

**Extra note: **I started writing this when someone told me one of my stories had a main character surprisingly similar to Oga Tatsumi. I watched the series and -wow- fell in love with it, that I did. I know I have a lot of projects on hiatus and hadn't gone back to them in years, but I'm trying to get my ass in shape by writing again. As with any other story that isn't a one-shot, I'll post two chapters at the beginning. Please leave me feedback! Also, if one of you is a Grammar Nazi, please help me with this mess, okay? I'll give you my worship. And that's hard to get by.


	2. Meet the Father

Anybody still here? Good! Now the fun starts!

* * *

**[One]**

_**Meet the Father**_

* * *

"Aoi Nee-san?"

Nene's voice took me out of my contemplative state. She was a good girl, strong and with convictions. She was my best friend too, second only to Kuni. Granted, Kuni was my crime buddy, but... sorry, I'm getting out of track. "What is it?"

"You seem happy today" she smiled. "Did something good happen?"

"Oh, nothing special. I just—it's good to be back."

And it was. In front of me, all the Red Tails were standing in two rows flanking our path dutifully. That degree of respect was something I had earned, something they just wouldn't give to anyone. They were my girls, the ones I could protect from the idiots in the school—after a year of observing the males carefully, I was fully aware of the large number of pigs surrounding us.

It had started small, as I wasn't thinking on becoming a delinquent. I helped out Nene with some creep that just wouldn't get the hint. Then it was Chiaki, who right there was walking at my side. She was a quiet girl, but interesting all the same. Then Rei, standing at the head of the first row... it went like that for a while, until all the girls begged to be considered Red Tails to fend off the pigs. As a Shrine Maiden I couldn't reject their plea for help, and as a woman I sympathized with the anguish at what couldn't be named anything but sexual harassment. I don't know how I got the coat from my predecessor, who I just met once, and there I was: Third leader of the Red Tails.

"You're right. The negotiations were difficult and that Kohaku-hime was a hard nut to crack, so returning home with a victory in our pockets is even more satisfying" Nene lifted her chin. She was really proud of it.

"But we're not returning to a party... I heard that someone's been making a racket while we weren't here" I began casually, even if my stomach was doing weird flips.

I was always nervous when following a lead of a potential fake-husband, because, well, he could be the one and I was going to be a 'mom'. This time the nerves were even more high-strung, because I wouldn't get any opportunity to mess up—a baby and a man infamous for his strength? It was practically the golden chance! Even if I still had a year... just where would I find a strong single father? I had to find a way to rope him: but what if he was a pervert or as cruel as they said? Even if Kuni said he was fine... he could ask anything out of me, and my time was running so low I would probably give it to him.

I just couldn't disappoint Ojii-chan. And that wasn't all: the Shrine was my life! I had been learning to be a Shrine Maiden for eight years and wasn't going to just let _that woman _destroy it!

"Ah, him. The Rampaging Ogre, if I recall correctly" Nene whispered, and then eyed me closer. "Are you okay, Nee-san? You seem pale."

"I'm fine... we've been out for so long that I feel a little off-center" I said with my best poker face. Around us, guys were eyeing us. Some with clear bad intentions, others with scorn, none of them friendly. No female could lower their guard in that place...

"Arrives today and starts doing some rounds? Get down of your horse, bitch!" "Put on a skirt, a skirt!"

"Disgusting as always" sneered Nene with a frown. "Show them who's boss, Aoi-nee-san."

"They're worthless, Nene. Nobody has the courage to step up" I was getting calmer. Nothing like a hostile environment to make me forget my apprehension... "I've already scoured the place, there're only small-fry. And maybe the first years will try to test their lucks on us: we'll make an example out of them."

Just then, one unknown proved my point running at us and got in our way sliding over the floor. He blatantly stared up Chiaki's skirt with a mocking expression "Ooops, I tripped!"

Silently, Chiaki took out her water guns and shot at him. The water pressure was enough to blast him against a wall and pin him there, slowly denting the bricks and making him cough a burst of blood.

"Careful with that, Chiaki. We don't want to make a murder scene so shortly after our return" I declared loudly enough for the onlookers to hear. Then I spun on my heels and continued walking, satisfied with the white faces and open mouths. Intimidation was the game, and it helped to root reputation—so any creeper that tried to touch a girl would think it thrice before remembering that there would not be mercy.

"So scary~ I had heard about water pistols strong enough to tear through iron, but it's interesting to see them in action" oh great. A smartass. "Good night~"

"It's morning already" I snapped back.

"So cruel! Then, have you already considered my offer?"

"Offer?"

"It was a promise, right? If I defeat you, I'll get to date you" he smirked condescendingly.

"Oh, that. Actually everyone is free to try", I returned his smirk with an icy glare.

"Don't do it, Aoi-nee-san! You don't have to encourage that stupid rumor!" Nene wasn't really enthused by the idea, obviously.

I shook my head. While I hadn't said anything before about my situation or intentions to the girls, it was getting to the point where I had to be bold "It's okay, Nene. I am searching for a strong man able to walk at my side."

"Wha-WHAAAT?! But-But the oaths—!"

The idiot in front of me got an even more perverted face and took out his cellphone, probably to snap a photo of me. I took out my wooden sword and sliced it in half with a sweep. Something good about all that mess with the delinquents was that I had more experience at using the Shingetsu Style in real-life situations.

Besides, his shocked face was pretty entertaining, as well as the awed whispers around me.

"It's a clean cut—isn't that a wooden sword...?" "I can't believe it...!" "I had heard rumors, but..."

Idiot wasn't looking as cocky as before. I spoke out clearly. "You first have to defeat me. Otherwise, you are just another piece of waste in my way. So raise your guard and state your name."

"Eh—Ma-maybe another t-t-time, okay?" he made a farewell gesture.

"Walking away now will make you lose your chance. Next time you challenge me, I will strike you down without clemency" my lips pulled in a smile. "It is your call, stranger."

A terrifying woman wasn't attractive. But among the requisites Ojii-chan gave me was 'brave', so a man had to at least have enough balls to face me. I was wondering if a man like the requested even existed, after a year of searching through pigs...

Beads of sweat trailed down his face and he squeaked as one. "N-no! I-I understand—Good Night!" and he ran away at the speed of light.

I sighed and kept my walk.

"You can't be serious, Aoi-nee-san" jumped Nene the second we were away of prying ears. "You know the rules; nobody can have a boyfriend—!"

"I want one, though" I said, trying to sound sincere. "You are strong and beautiful, Nene, and I think you're ready to take the mantle as the next leader too. Don't worry, I will always support you no matter what..."

"I can't accept that! Nee-san, please reconsider!"

I tried not to show any weakness to her plea. It was hard not coming to like being leader of a strong and respected group of women, to be friends with those two and the others. Even if I got a cramp every time I thought on how _that woman_ used to be a delinquent too, I could admit that it was fun. I liked to test my sword; I liked the taste of victory and to protect the girls.

But my Shrine was in danger. I couldn't keep fooling around with them.

And speaking about fools, Himekawa and Kanzaki materialized in front of me. Both of them were a mess, Kanzaki even had a broken arm. Was this the work of that Oga, or were there extenuating circumstances?

"Himekawa, Kanzaki" I smirked amused at their obvious discomfort. "What is it?"

They argued for a pair of seconds until Kanzaki stepped forward, a menacing scowl in his face. He was always the braver of the two. Or better said the stupider.

"We heard that when we weren't around..." he trailed off when I casually laid my wooden sword in my shoulder. "We heard that when we weren't around you went and conquered the north of Kanto. Congratulations" he even bowed and made to run away, but I stopped him with the sword.

Poor guy. I felt a little pity at his obvious fear "Thank you. By the way you look horrible. Who did it?"

"That's not of—" now it was Himekawa who cut himself under my glare. He fought with his pride before sighing "Oga Tatsumi."

"Impressive. At the very least he has guts to walk up to the infamous Tohoshinki and start making fools out of them" even if I was polite, I felt my chest tighten again. Rumor confirmed, and this Oga was looking more and more like _the one_. "I wonder if he's stronger than me..."

With that I retired my sword and resumed my strolling at a faster pace, ignoring Nene's questions and concerns. By the moment I had my eyes set on someone. Oh, that's right... I forgot to ask them if he really had a son. Not that anyone would be idiot enough to bring a child to that wasteland of a school, but maybe they heard something? Especially Himekawa, that guy was obsessed with information.

"Queen!"

"What?" my eyes rested on a white-haired guy running at us, dragging behind him a brunette with a green...haired...baby...

My blood ran cold. Was this him?

Why was I so nervous? I took a deep breath through my nose and reigned in my energy. If I treated him as the enemy I would be fine.

The one with the baby wasn't especially outstanding, actually leaning more on the 'normal' side and with no accessories or outlandish fashion style. But his eyes belied that first impression. They were sharp, like those of a bear ready to strike. Even when he was pulled by that other student, it was obvious that he was just humoring him.

His aura... I wasn't as good as I would like reading them, but I felt something off. Power, yes, but also some kind of twisted darkness. Would I be alright? Did I want to try with someone who felt so dangerous?

But they were already in front of me, and I controlled tightly my nerves. "You must be the Oga Tatsumi I had heard so much about. It was you who did in half the Tohoshinki while I was gone... what is your goal?"

He turned a serious and evaluating stare at me. What was he thinking? Seizing my strength, my looks, my intentions? I had been trying on finding him, but what if he wasn't interested? For the moment I had to make him fight me, to determine his real assets.

And that baby... his bright green eyes looked at me, assessing me. He had the same stare than Oga. I frowned. I was getting even worse vibes from that child. How was that possible?

The silence was stretching. Maybe Oga wasn't interested? What should I do?

While I was stewing in questions and fear and embarrassment, the white haired person had been whispering at him, but apparently lost his patience and raised his voice. "Hey, Oga, why do you have to be always like that? The Queen herself said your name, you know?"

"Eh, she seemed to be looking for a fight" he deadpanned pointing a finger at me. Damn it! There was zero interest in his voice!

"Bah, at the end she's just a woman." "What's up, are you scared?" "This is all she had..."

Jeers were bouncing around us. I wasn't aware of when the little crowd reunited, but acknowledged that staring and quietness weren't taking us anywhere. So I pointed my sword at him.

"Put down the baby. I want to fight you as a member of the Tohoshinki..." I didn't care about that title at all "...and as someone who is frankly fed up with the idiots around US."

The last word was said when I swung my sword to the windows, cutting a perfect square on the glass and poking it with my sword to make it fall and show the results. That trick never got old or failed to impress people, and thankfully Oga Tatsumi wasn't an exception. He didn't gape, but his mouth opened slightly.

I flared my aura strongly—even if untrained people couldn't pinpoint what happened, it gave enough pressure on the opponent to make them dread fight me. I was good at making people fear for their lives.

And the baby gurgled, eyes shining excitedly. Why was a baby enjoying my intimidation so much?

"Oh, you like her, baby Bell?" Oga Tatsumi was suddenly interested too. Not scared or affected one bit, and I was starting to be more interested in him for that. The baby kept making a fuss over his head, waving his arms and babbling happily until Oga finally stared at me with a smirk "Okay. Come at me. I'll fight like this."

"You'll use the baby as a shield?!" I cried out, feeling disgust replace the anticipation "Are you expecting me to go easy on you? Is this how you won against the other two? Granted, they're weaklings... but that's low, Oga Tatsumi. And..." I started with a low jab at his torso, letting out exclusively physical strength but making it as fast as I could "...It won't be enough."

'_What? He... dodged?'_ At less than two meters, while I was an accomplished apprentice of the Shingetsu Sword Style? Yes, I had shredded his shirt, but he was unscathed. What a man!

My moment of surprise didn't last. I followed with a horizontal swipe, but again he jumped away, his face blank.

"Very well" I stated, feeling a smirk in my lips. It was getting exciting; finally someone who could move and present a real challenge to me had appeared. "That means you won't die if I get serious."

'_Gather all your energy. Your sword is an extension of your hand, so the energy must flow to it too. Don't get angry, don't get happy. You only have to be ready... Aoi, this is an advanced move. Don't use it without a reason.' _

I wanted to protect my dojo... I wasn't going to fail.

"Iai, second style of the Shingetsu sword" I intoned.

I wasn't going to fail, Ojii-chan!

"_Hyakka Midare Sakura!"_

My energy exploded from the tip of my sword. My legs moved onwards, propelled by my own willpower. One, two, three, four, I slightly grazed his chest on the fifth.

And I couldn't believe it.

The wall at my side had been annihilated; there was a lethal silence, the wooden sword thrumming with my energy—but I had barely scratched Oga with my best technique, and when I turned my eyes to him I saw that he only looked flabbergasted at his shirt as if he was surprised that I had got him at all. No pain, no wince, no nothing. Just a bemused stare and... A casual whistle "Damn... what are you, Hilda?"

"I don't know who or what this Hilda is" I spoke strongly. "But you indeed are strong, Oga Tatsumi. Come on. Forget chitchat and beating around the bush... and don't hold back."

His wide eyes suddenly crinkled with a frankly terrifying happy smile. And he stepped forwards, taking me by the shoulders with a surprising speed before I could react. He got me and I knew it the second he stood against my attack so deliberately: _'this man... is stronger than me!'. _

But even if I had lost, if he trapped me... I didn't show fear. I glared back at him.

"You are a woman and are strong. So take this..." his voice was lethally serious. I was done for! "...baby and be his mother!"

_**What?!**_

Now I was the one looking flabbergasted at him. He was strong, he had a child... and he offered me to be the mother? Perfect, perfect! I broke in a wide grin and stood against him, near and personal. Then I nodded fervently, willing all doubts and sadness to disappear. This was a miracle, and I wasn't going to botch it "I lost against you, Oga Tatsumi. Even if you showed restraint at the last hit, I can see it. So as you say, I will be this child's mother and... Your-" my words got stuck in my throat. I didn't want to. He was not my type, and I didn't want to. But Ojii-chan's face flashed in front of me and I recovered my wits...

...only to see that Oga Tatsumi wasn't there anymore.

He had bolted away when I took the baby in my arms.

_He… dumped me his baby and ran._

I was offended and pissed and felt like an idiot. But I was also happy, because even if I didn't get the man, I could claim that things simply didn't work between us but we got an heir.

Then the baby sniffled and shook and wailed and... his energy _skyrocketed_.

'_Oh, dear Inari!'_ I thought when light started to surround me, feeling something scorching travel from the kid to my arms._ 'Just what the hell is this child?!'_

* * *

**A/N:** He didn't dump the baby on her, it can't be that easy.

Reviews?


	3. Meet the Maid

**[Chapter Two]**

**Meet the Maid**

* * *

"So basically, this is the son of the demon king and he's here to be raised by a human to destroy humanity", I summarized, my voice faint and said son of the devil cuddling on my lap. Did I sound too calm? Yes. Did I _felt_ too calm? Of course not. I was teetering in a shock state, and my fury shimmered just below the surface.

Oga Tatsumi nodded grimly, rubbing a hand through his charred hair.

"I don't understand how _I _have to do with anything of that" I confessed after a silence, looking to the blonde woman sitting unhappily in the bed. We were at Oga's home, and I was being debriefed in the kind of mess I had gotten myself into. It looked... bleak.

The woman, who I was told was a _maidservant_ _demon_, spoke icily to me "Oga Tatsumi didn't make a proper ritual or contract with the young master, so they aren't bounded as it must and their links are still fragile, strengthening with time and battle instead of the traditional channels. Since you accepted the young master as your child while he was excited about your strength, a second half-made link was born. He is the son of the Great Demon Lord, so having two humans as contractors shouldn't be taxing to him at all. But he still" she shot a frustrated glance at Oga, "has a contract with this gutter-trash too."

"You said contract several times" I sighed. "What does it entail?"

"You can't get away from the young master more than fifteen meters. You have the obligation to raise him to be a proud lord able to extinguish humanity, and you must become a vessel in the human world for him to canalize his powers through."

I slapped the table in front of me with the Nadeshiko and cut it in half, wishing they all just fell dead. "Insane... you are all insane! A demon lord?! _Extinguish humanity?!_ And you, insane dumbass, sticking the monster on normal people like that!"

"Well, you are the dumbass who accepted!" he shot back, equally angry. "What kind of idiot just takes a child from a random stranger?"

Behind him, the white haired student whispered at his ear "Wasn't that what you were expecting?"

"FURUICHI-IDIOT!" he roared, punching his friend in the gut and sending him into a fit of coughs. "I wasn't expecting to get stuck with _both_!"

"OGA-IDIOT!" I growled, throwing my cup of tea to his head and watching it shatter with no satisfaction. "I am a Shrine Maiden! I can't just raise a Demon Lord! I can't be bound to one!" I choked out, despaired. "I could be forbidden to... my god, what am I going to do? This can't be! I'll lose my life, my dream! Damn it! Damn it!"

"You should be honored to serve the young master" Hilda's cold voice snapped in the room like a whip. "You have been granted the honor of raising him."

"And you are full of shit!" I spat angrily. "How would you feel if you were forbidden to serve your young master, uh? If you were forbidden to return to your place, if you were tainted with holy energy and trying to get back to a house full of priest hunters?"

Her eye widened and her hands shook. She looked to the baby sleeping in my lap intently and pursed her lips "Only the young master can undo the contract. You have no choice... learn to accept your fate, human." It sounded weak, compared to her dismissive tone of before. I guess she really wouldn't like to be in my shoes, then.

"Please calm down, Queen" spoke the 'Furuichi-Idiot' hurriedly. "There's a way to reverse it! If you find someone stronger, crueler and more insensitive than you, Baby bell would take a liking to them and leave you alone!"

There was hope! Granted, now I had a husband and a baby, if looked from the right angle, but I'd rather die than consort with a _Demon Lord_. I was a Shrine Maiden, an exorcist of the Shingetsu Shrine!

So I made a gesture to Oga. "He's a cruel, insensitive jackass with no honor or value as a real man, no consideration to any woman or being other than him... and he's stronger than me. He should be enough."

"You want a fight, moron?!" said jackass half stood up and raised a menacing fist.

"Going to hit me?" I mocked frigidly. "You're just proving me right, but don't think I will just stay sitting and take it" my sword was already pointing between his eyebrows.

"Calm down. You'll wake up the young master" Hilda again. I hated more and more that demon by the second.

My cellphone beeped again. It was Nene, _again_. I had at least fifteen messages of her, and twenty silenced calls since I had tried to give the electric baby to Oga, put him over his charred carcass, walked away, was electrocuted _again, _we both shared a moment of panic when we realized that none of us could get away from the child, bolted from the school to Oga's house, and finally decided to have a conversation. He seemed reticent to speak with any stranger around us hearing, and there were Red Tails everywhere, so his friend suggested going to his house and talk there.

He took me to his home and explained, as an idiot. It was already five-thirty.

The biggest question after hearing them out was '_What should I do?'. _Granted, I wanted to ask myself _'What the actual hell?!'_ but that seemed too difficult for the moment.

I stood up, giving carelessly the baby to Oga "I need to go home... My grandfather will wonder when I am."

Furuichi again jumped at me "If you get away from them, you'll die!"

I kind of realized that. But seeing my Ojii-chan was top priority for me. "Then I won't. Follow me" I glared at Oga. "I have to explain, can't just disappear."

He stood up too, lazily complaining about demanding demon women. I wanted to hit him so badly my fingers ached.

We walked at a brisk pace to the Shrine, I again stewing in something between nerves, impotence and a void sense of victory. If I could force Oga to act as my husband and shut up everyone who thought to say that he gave me the baby, the fiasco with the old hag would be closed up. At least, I could save the Shrine. And maybe Ojii-chan wouldn't be mad! I wasn't sure about his stance with baby demons and forced contracts, but if I explained he might even have a way to reverse it. Yes, that was it. I had freaked out by the imminent implications, but it couldn't be that bad.

*****Da!*****

I was in a calm expectancy when I walked past the last step on the stairs and saw Ojii-chan looking around pointedly before his gaze caught with who was at my side. He frowned for a second, looking to the child sleeping obliviously at Oga's head.

"Ojii-chan" My voice was shaky. "I... This is Oga Tatsumi and his son, Ba-Bul...Beelzebub" I struggled with the foreign name.

His eyes widened minutely and inspected closely the baby, taking a sharp intake. Surely he had already realized what the child was?

"Aoi" he spoke levelly, his face betraying nothing. "This are the man and child you choose?"

I lowered my head "The baby chose me. The man is just an unwanted extra."

"Nice to meet you" he smiled, strolling to Oga with a stretched hand. I instinctually knew what he wanted and took the child from jackass before his hand was grabbed... and he flew over our heads. That was my Ojii-chan, ha!

Oga stayed in the floor, his face confused. Apparently he didn't feel any pain or fear. Tch...

"Let me test your fighting skills" Ojii-chan was still smiling, now more sharply. "Come here, child. Or are you afraid of this old man?"

That was enough to ruffle Oga's feathers, and he stood up with a smirk on his face too "Fine for me... but you'll regret it, geezer!"

"I don't think so. Now come, I don't have all day... I will break you to pieces if you're weaker than Aoi, brat."

A tic appeared in Oga's cheek and he pointed at him, losing all his composure "You asked for it! I'll kick your ass! Bwahahaha! Idiot, _IIIdiot_!" he sounded like a four year old, that useless bastard.

And he attacked. I could see how his movements were faster and stronger than I gave them credit for. Was he pulling back his punches with me before? That small resentment pooled again at my stomach, so I enjoyed how he got his ass completely handed to him by my grandfather. While he approved of Oga's reflexes, flexibility and explosive power, he critiqued his sloppy style and wasted movements. All with his habitual calmness and smile on him.

At the end, Ojii-chan used a really soft version of his Nadeshiko on Oga, incrusting the bastard _in_ the stone tiles as if he was a cookie cutter.

Oga's wail was _precious_, and his followed gasps and grunts of pain diminished my frustration at him to almost zero. Almost.

"You didn't exactly disappoint me" announced Ojii-chan calmly. "But you still have a long way to go before being worthy of Aoi's hand. Although considering the circumstances..." he sighed heavily "...I guess I have little choice but to allow you to live together. This will be a lesson for you , my dear, to stay always alert. You let your guard down and now you are a mother, but you aren't a wife yet."

"A wife?" I felt terrified just with the prospect.

"He is too weak for you, and has trouble written all over him. As it is, he isn't even worthy of being my apprentice, his power is still immature and adjusting to certain changes. Aoi..." he looked at me with a severe gaze I had never been in the end of, making me feel small and weak, "...you know already what you got yourself into. I'm afraid you can't come back to this Shrine anymore."

"What...?" I whispered weakly. Was he kicking me out? Was he really? "Ojii-chan, I-!"

"Take responsibility of your mistakes, my dear granddaughter. I bet my daughter will be proud of you... but I can't. You took this path... a path away from the Shrine and our convictions. So good luck, do come back to drink tea someday."

And he walked away, his back hunched and his hands clasped behind. I felt how my legs quivered and a wave of tears nestled in the rims of my eyes. "No... I..." I was useless. It was all useless. "I didn't want... this..." my voice broke and the tears fell. "I didn't want this! I didn't want this!"

But Ojii-chan was inside the shrine, and already had closed the door behind him.

"I just wanted..." I whispered to the night, finally falling to my knees.

"Are you really so pathetic?"

The statement made my eyes widen and narrow immediately after. I reached for my wooden sword and turned around, not caring for the moment about my wet face and runny nose. He was just there, standing up and looking down at me. That condescending pose... even the baby was staring at me like that.

He opened his mouth to say something, but my self-control finally snapped.

"OGA TATSUMIII!"

* * *

Thank you for your reviews! I'm happy to see any kind of answer. You know, I published just because, but it feels good to see that at least some of you thought to leave your coin in here!


	4. Meet the Family

**[Chapter Three]**

**Meet the Family**

* * *

"OGA TATSUMIII!"

I charged at him, chest full of hatred and pain. He was the one who deceived me! He was the one who shoved that trice damned monster to me! That bastard—_That bastard!_

My sword was moving on its own. A foreign energy cruised through my veins, more thick and heavy than my usual one but quickly adapting to me. Or was I adapting to it? I didn't care. I just harnessed it as I always did my own, not bothering with wondering where it was coming from or what it was. I just wanted to crush him. I wanted to make him suffer. It was his fault!

I couldn't do anything but wave my sword. The Shingetsu Sword Style was focused around controlling one's own emotions, and I was way too enraged to actually focus in form. Still, it was surprising when I actually could pull off spiritual attacks; the backlash of a half-executed slash was even larger than I had expected to, and my scream made my throat raw. For a moment, I only saw his wide eyes and gaping mouth, how he tried to step away—but he couldn't avoid it all and got a belly full of scorching energy. I was vaguely aware of a weight falling over my shoulders and a childish growl before the last of my consciousness burned out.

I watched myself pursue the flying Oga down the stairs, jump after him and lash again. He was avoiding and blocking my attacks fervently, and at some time he started to punch back. But I danced around it and aimed for the neck, seeing the tip of the polished wooden sword reflected in his wide brown irises.

But he was _good,_ and ducked at the last second punching me square in the chest and making me stagger back. He pressed on his advantage, though before he could connect a second hit I was in a defensive stance and roared at him again.

And it continued like that for a while, until he stopped my sword with his bare hand surrounded by red, twisted energy. He looked at me with blazing eyes, and I thought that he was going to hit me in the face... but he only let the sword fall at his side.

Oga stepped forward and clasped his hands in my shoulders. "You got it all out?"

'_Did he... bait me to get me raging?' _That was my first coherent thought in what felt like a marathon and a half. I moistened my lips and spoke slowly "What's your point? Now on top of all you treat me as a _pathetic_ kid?"

"That's not it. I just couldn't believe that the Queen Kunieda could just kneel and cry like that. Don't you have any pride?"

I was too emotionally drained to hit him again, but I could muster a frosty answer. "So, I just have to take graciously being kicked out of my beloved shrine, denied my dream and burdened with that small monster? Are you kidding me, Oga? What were you expecting me to do? Just nod and walk to your place? Don't be so conceited! I've been working eight years to be acknowledged as the Shrine Maiden! I've dedicated my soul, my pride, my hope to it! I wanted to be the best! And now I'm the mother of that little demon and tied to a bastard so unbearable by any human standard he's considered as the _perfect father of the Inari-damned DEMON LORD!_"

"And just for that you'll roll over and die?!" he shouted back at me. "If you lost it, then fight to recover it! If you can't deal with Beel-boy then find some other bastard to stick him the problem! If you want to become a Maid or whatever, then build your own Shrine! If you hate me so much, then come and try to kill me!" The _what_?! "But don't start acting as if it's the end of the world! Don't start crying over it! Push those tears inside and use them to get strong enough to reach your dream!"

Why did he sound so wise? Just a while ago he was goading Ojii-chan as any four year old. But now he was staring intensely at me and... he had a point, of course he had a point: life's not fair, so stop the pity party and keep living it. That's it.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Fair enough. You're right, and I can't believe I'm saying this. Then... let's make a compromise" I locked my gaze to him seriously. "We're going to find someone more disgusting than you and stick on him the child."

"Oi, why did you have to put it like that?" he scowled at me. "Beel-boy chose you, so it's obvious you're just as disgusting as me!"

"So you don't deny your foulness?"

"No, I—hey!"

I groaned softly, and cursed louder. And then, I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head and knew no more.

* * *

I yawned "I dreamed I was the mother of some Demon Lord and tied to an unbearable thug. Ugh. That had to be the most ridiculous nightmare I ever had in my life..."

"Curious. That's the same thing that gutter-trash said when he was in your place."

At the deep feminine voice, I groaned loudly "So it wasn't a dream?"

"No. Congratulations. You're now the mother of Kaiser de Emperana Beelzebub the Fourth... and Oga Tatsumi's lover."

"I see... wait, what? _WHAT?_"

"You're so noisy" a voice complained at the brim of the bed. I peeked fearfully and looked down to the form of Oga Tatsumi, alongside Beelzebub. The baby gurgled when he saw me and flew to my chest, cuddling on it as if he was some kind of hyperactive monkey. I fidgeted at the strength with which he clutched me and tried to push him away—he sniffed, so I dismissed it in favor of more pressing matters.

Like baring my teeth at Oga "_Why_ am I your _lover_, dimwit?"

"Hell if I know!" he shot angrily at me.

"Isn't it obvious?" Hilda frowned. "You can't be separated more than fifteen meters from the Young Master or you will die."

Oga bared his teeth "It doesn't mean you have to go making my-my '_that'_ every damn woman I met!"

"Ho. Do you have a better idea of how to convince your family to allow this woman to stay in this place? I'm under the impression that only the mother of your child is allowed such indulgence" her voice was back to the North Pole.

That was sensible, yes. I didn't have a place to return to anymore, unless I wanted to beg mother, and didn't want to get electrocuted by the baby's cries to death. "But wait, don't they think Hilda's the mother of your child?" My eyes widened "Who the hell goes on to cram a wife and a lover under the same roof?! I refuse to be some treated as some kind of mistress, Oga!"

I needed the wife status, after all. If I was already –pardon my language– _fucked,_ I could at least try to get something out of the deal.

He looked ignorantly at me "Actually I hadn't thought about that. You think on something."

"You're so stupid" I groaned, plopping back on the bed. "Fine... I'll.. uh... I am that child's _real_ mother. And... Hilda is my cousin, who tried to raise him for me... to let me have a normal teenager's life... but... uh... I felt guilty for running away and I'll take... responsibility?"

"That will suffice" approved the maidservant with a nod. "You are very creative."

I scratched the back of my head. No, it wasn't creative; I had seen that in a third-rate soap opera, but with twin sisters instead of cousins... and speaking of that, I had to talk with Kuni, soon. Maybe if I phoned her? But no, this was something that had to be discussed face to face. I could ask her to go to Ishiyama—no, that place was trash. Maybe she could come here? Definitely NO!

"We have to expose the situation to your family" Hilda told Oga calmly. "She has been here for an entire day and your sister is making questions about her identity."

"Let's get this over with" I stood up, feeling all sore and tired but with enough energy to go on with the day. "Why do I feel like I was run over by a truck?"

"You liberated a lot of the young master's power at your rampage, and it became too much to handle for your body" she pointed to my left hand. I lifted it to see a red tattoo on it identical to Oga's, snaking up to my wrist. "That mark symbolizes your contract with the young master; the Zebel Spell. It will grow while you defeat more and more opponents."

"This is insane" I repeated faintly. "He _marked _me. What am I to that child, a cow? No- I don't want to think about this right now. I have to... no, I don't want to think about it either. Is your family down there?"

Hilda answered for Oga, who was muttering curses under his breath again "It's almost supper time. They will be reunited shortly."

*****Da!*****

"…as you can see, I am deeply ashamed of my cowardice and deceit" I said clearly, lowering my forehead to the ground and feeling moronic about it. "And I beg you and my cousin forgiveness for it. I am here to rectify my mistakes, and humbly ask you for a place to stay. I will work hard to earn my food and will help with whatever I can. My name is Kunieda Aoi, and I am Beelzebub's _real_ mother."

Oga looked as if he wanted to strangle someone, but couldn't decide between the calm-looking Hildegard and me. His family on the other hand was looking at me with moist eyes, in silence, until the father stood up and got over my face.

"You are so brave, to accept your mistakes like this!" he wailed, and then... groveled at me. "Please don't apologize, and welcome to the family, Aoi-chan!"

I raised my head and looked owlishly around "...thank you very much…"

"Don't worry about it, Aoi-chan!" Oga's sister patted my shoulder. "I also would want to run away if I had to suddenly live with that idiot. I'm Misaki, his elder sister."

"It's a pleasure..." Misaki, Oga Misaki? That name was familiar.

"The pleasure is ours", Oga's mother smiled beatifically at me. "It's good to see such courageous girls in this world. Please make yourself at home, Aoi-chan."

I looked around helplessly and absently ignored the baby that _still_ hadn't let go of me. We proceeded to have a homely and absolutely alien family dinner, chatting about menial things and just relaxing. At the middle of the meal though, the timber chimed twice and Oga's mother walked out, insisting that Hilda and I stayed at the table. Then she came in and beamed at me.

"There are some boxes out there, sweetheart, and a note for you"

It had Ojii-chan's calligraphy, and only a sentence written over it that made me clutch it harder and bit my lips in silence.

'_I'll be waiting with that tea in two months, Kuni.'_

I had to use them as fuel to get stronger... I couldn't let even one of them get away...

* * *

Thank you for your reviews and support, everyone!


	5. Happily Ever After

**[Chapter Four]**

**Happily Ever After**

* * *

"It's not fair! First you get Hilda-san, and then you rope Kunieda-san too? Stop hogging the hot chicks to yourself! What do you want, a harem?"

Oga mumbled another 'shut up' at Furuichi's tirade. I massaged my temples and looked blankly at Oga "Can't you make him _stop_?"

"Just punch him or something" he dismissed.

I eyed speculatively the still whining idiot and jabbed my wooden sword at his nose "Shut. Up."

"Sh-Sh-shutting up!"

After that, the walk became a little more bearable... until Nene jumped at me at the school entrance and hauled me away. I flailed, fearing the Fifteen Meters of Doom, and forced her to stop near a trashcan. Oga had also followed us furtively, muttering something about a 'close call'.

"Aoi-nee-san!" she shouted immediately. "Why did you do it? Why did you just _run away with that idiot yesterday_?!"

Even Chiaki was looking at me with an intense stare, and Yuka was with them biting her nails.

"Yeah, this is like, super crazy! You can't just _quit_, nee-san!"

I sighed. How to put it? If I wanted this to work out smoothly at least in one side, I had to start spreading the correct rumors. It wouldn't work if nobody thought that the child was mine to begin with "I didn't tell you this before but... he had bested me before. In a duel nobody saw. And we dated in secret just once... we got drunk. I was careless, didn't get any protection. That child Oga has is actually mine."

They froze in white statues. I could hear Nene's ire rising through the shock, though "That can't be! I would've noticed if you were pregnant!"

"You know I have an identical cousin, Kunie, right?" she was the only one who saw us together, and I was thankful that she did or nobody would believe me. "She covered for me when I got too big... I didn't want to lose you, the Red Tails, just because I was an idiot. I'm sorry I deceived you, but I can't just hog the baby to Oga—he's a complete brute and retard. I can't walk away from my responsibilities. So Nene..." I took off the white coat from my shoulders and placer it on hers, closing my eyes at her betrayed stare "...as I said, you are a worthy successor. Protect the girls for me and try to not let your temper fly too often, okay? And if whatever happens, consider me your sister."

"No... It can't be" she choked out. Chiaki had a hand on her mouth and Yuka was openly crying. "Nee-san, why... why didn't you tell us?"

"I was selfish. I wanted to be your leader for just a little longer. I still do. For that I dishonored myself, desecrated our vows... although I never really dated Oga. I don't like him at all, but the baby deserves better than a neglectful coward and a rampaging ogre" The lie felt like acid in my mouth, and in a snap decision I got near Nene, whispering at her ear "Tell Kunie to give you the full version. And don't tell _anyone_ about it."

She stood still, and nodded faintly. I hoped it was a good idea...

With that I turned away and walked towards the aforementioned ogre, feeling the cold wind against my exposed skin. Thankfully he was just standing there arguing with Furuichi and didn't hear a thing; I was already spreading thin the leftovers of my pride with all this stupidity, and didn't need to hear his childish taunts on top of it.

"What, are you finally done?" he glared at me.

"Be quiet" I retorted coldly. "We don't even have classes to begin with, and—what in hell is your problem, Furuichi?"

He made a show of drooling around and blushing copiously "You look dashing, Queen~!"

The smack of the sword against his head was satisfying. I had a sneaking suspicion Oga would get mad at me if I _really_ hurt his only kind-o-friend, so I contented with giving him a mild concussion. "Go take a nap, pervert."

"That's your fault, you know" Oga was now picking his ear and yawning. "Or are you too good for a shirt now?"

In a way he was right; the coat covered me as an open blouse, but now I was using only the white bandages over my chest, basically parading around in a crude brassiere. But obviously I wasn't letting him get the last word.

"I'm acting as your wife. I couldn't feel any more shame if I ran around naked announcing my love for Tōjo..." I thought about it for a moment and grimaced, "...let's go."

My first day as Oga's wife and Beelzebub's mother wasn't really hard, as far as Ishiyama itself was concerned. There were whispers, as always, and men jeering, also as always. And Yuka couldn't hold her mouth shut and told everyone about how I was the real mother and my twin had been covering for me. It was testament to Ishiyama's average idiocy that everyone believed that thing without a second thought and soon I was being called _Oga's wife_.

The devil, as they say, is in the details.

I couldn't go more than fifteen meters away from Beelzebub. That meant that I couldn't go fifteen meters away from _Oga_, or the devil's spawn would cry and annihilate us both. I didn't have freedom anymore: I wanted to go buy something at the cafeteria? I had to drag Oga there. I had to go to the bathroom? I had to drag Oga there. I had to pulverize some smartass? I had to drag Oga there.

There was only one smartass that tried to get one over me, though. That disgusting transvestite Miwa, and his band of Mood Killers.

"We were nervous about it" he declared proudly at the roof, while Oga was just sitting there being an idiot. "But now that you had a child, you are simply not fit to be the Queen! You now belong to the kitchen and at that Oga's side!"

"I won't even dignify that last part with an answer..." my voice was as deadpan as I felt "...so you want to do exactly _what _about it?"

"Today I will crown myself as the new Queen of Ishiyama!" he announced proudly, his band of idiots striking a pose behind him. They were really killing the scarce good mood I had.

"That title isn't for the fairest lady in the high school or has any kind of authority" I stood up heavily, and raised my sword. "It means that I'm the strongest woman in this dumpster and I won it fair and square when I defeated Kuriko Moriyama last year. So Miwa: you want to be the Queen? Suit yourself. You just have to defeat me once. And believe me..." I raised my battle aura mildly and took my stance "..._I will destroy you first_."

The ugly man in drag was sweating buckets with his followers quivering but still shouting treats at me to 'prepare myself'. Against those weaklings though, I didn't need any more than raw physical strength and to wave my sword once to defeat them. And they stayed in the floor, twitching... except for Miwa.

"You BITCH! How dare you to hit my ladylike face?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry… you believe yourself a woman, right?"

And Miwa ended with a black and blue body, his face only marred by the first hit in his cheek. I breathed out and turned back to see Oga sporting a raised eyebrow and Beelzebub crawling excitedly at me.

"So that's Ishiyama's Queen, huh?"

"Queen, you're so strong and beautiful! With that creamy skin, I could go hours just exploring every cranny of—" Furuichi was shooting steam from his nose. I had so carefully moved out of my mind his existence and catalogued him as a straw doll, but apparently it didn't work if I lost concentration.

Thankfully Beelzebub took my attention to himself, cooing lively at me and coddling on my neck with a wide smile. That was maybe the first time I wondered if he really was the Devil's Spawn, as I bemusedly patted his head like one would do to an affectionate dog.

"You look so perfect together!" exploded Oga, waving a Yakisoba pan at us with a glower. "Oi, Beel-boy, why do you need us both?! Isn't she more than enough?!"

"But I'm not an insensitive, inconsiderate jackass. Obviously you're more qualified than me to raise a demon" I intoned innocently, laying the wooden sword on the shoulder contrary to where the kid was. "I bet you would've hit that moron in the face just for the giggles."

Oga pointed a finger to the bruised half-corpse "That creep was _asking_ for it! Ladylike face, my ass!"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, they almost jumped out of their sockets along my tongue; an enormous old man was there in pink boxers and a white polo, his enormous moustache almost looking surreal over him. A loud laughter made me turn sharply to Oga, who was pointing at my face with that jagged terrifying smile of his.

"That face! What the hell with that face! Bwaaahahahaha! Did you see that, Beel-boy?! Bwaaahahahaha!" he soon was rolling over his back.

Furuichi covered his eyes with his hands. "I didn't see that! I didn't see that! There's no way that Kunieda-san's beautiful face can make that expression!"

*Whack* *Snap*

A good swing from my sword quieted them both and made Oga curse at me while Furuichi wept clutching his bloodied nose, but I couldn't stop the heat rising in my cheeks. What face had I done, anyway?

The big man then spoke "It's a pleasure to meet Beelze-sama's new mother. I am the transference demon Alaindelion."

"You pair of useless humans forgot the young master's milk", reproached coldly Hilda's voice.

I wondered from where in the world they materialized from, but didn't dwell much on that when a tingly sensation coursed through my body: Beelzebub was still in my shoulders... sniffing silently.

"It's meal time already, Beelze-sama~" that giant ossan was fruitier than Miwa.

I hurriedly took the bag from Hilda's hand and busied myself preparing the formula, acknowledging that the faster Beelzebub had his bottle, the less probability I had of being charred. Oga didn't sound as someone particularly competent in that field, but I had the milk done and ready in less than fifteen seconds.

"Impressive. Your speed is certainly top-notch" the _ossan_ approved happily. "I see why Beelze-sama chose you."

"Sometimes I had to take care of my baby cousin, so at least I know how to do this" although Aoi was the _expert_ on it. And thinking about Aoi... "Speaking of, I might invite my cousin to the house," I informed Oga. He shrugged nonchalantly and went to eat a packed Yakisoba pan.

Some hours later we returned to Oga's house, stopping at a little eating place that sold croquets. I cocked an eyebrow at the warm greeting by the lady and Hilda's comment about 'again buying one of those'. It seemed to be a ritual of his.

"Well, Fujino's croquets have been there since I was in elementary school. Basically, I grew up with that flavor" he grinned. I had to rub my eyes and blink several times to believe it, but there it was. Apparently he could act normal too, who would've said. In my shoulders, Beelzebub made a motion towards Oga. "What, you want one?"

"You both just ate-" then I stopped "-although you must burn calories faster than you should, being a demon and his vessel. Now that I think about it, I'm hungry too" I tilted my head, pushing the kid to Oga and walking back to the croquet stand. "Excuse me lady, I want a chicken one."

"Here you are, sweetie..." the woman trailed off and looked at me. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

Because I had categorically refused to put on the blazer used by Furuichi; only remembering his perverted face when he offered was enough to give me the creeps. Of course Oga didn't offer his and I would've refused it anyway. I shook my head and smiled at the woman, taking the paper bag with the croquet "Don't worry. It's fashion."

I turned around eyeing the croquet curiously, but a small commotion in the demon group plus Furuichi took me out of my contemplation just in time to see Oga stretch a hand towards a cat. "I'll steal your soul, kitty!"

"Stop with that!" I shouted running to them and kneeling at the side of the poor creature. It was irresistibly cute, all wide eyes and ginger fur, and biting a chicken croquet with a happy mew. "...Isn't that Oga's food?"

The ogre jumped at me with a vein popping on his forehead "Yes it is! That stupid cat just jumped and took it from me!"

"Because you weren't paying attention! What kind of idiot gets his food stolen from his hand by a cat? And why are you making a racket for a stupid croquet anyway?"

"It was mine, mine! It better gives it back!"

He was so egoist! This kitty obviously needed it more than that glutton! Oga kept throwing a tantrum and I'd always had a short fuse, so after a while I shot my arms to the heavens in exasperation "Fine, you self-centered manchild! Here, take this and just shut your mouth!" and I threw the paper bag with my food at him, satisfied when he quieted. His triumphant face told me that he had planned for me to do exactly that, but I couldn't give any piece of damn about it with that pretty kitty in front of me. "Now it's all good. Isn't that great little buddy? Finish it off quickly. As long as I'm here, I'll slice in half anything that tries to take it away." Like Oga. I wondered if I should've just kept my croquet and let that idiot try to fight the cat for his. That would be a good excuse for a fight.

The cat agreed and mewled sweetly, eating faster than before. Such an intelligent cutie! I clutched my cheek trying not to squeal. Aww, look at those eyes! He's pawing his nose, how adorable! I wanted to take him home! Unfortunately, while Ojii-chan didn't have any problem with me occasionally housing cats, Oga's house was too small and there were too many people living there for me to do the same. What a downer. But still! Cute, cute, cute, cute!

I stood up ruefully half a minute later when the kitty finished his meal, and resumed my stroll to the house after looking with the corner of my eye to see if they were following me. They were, Alaindelion walking terrified behind a Furuichi with a flushed and dreamy face, Oga giving a piece of croquet to the baby and looking smug, and Hilda watching with bright eyes (or eye, whatever) how Beelzebub enjoyed so much the taste.

They were all creepers...

"Mew?"

I looked down and saw that the kitty was following me. W-Why?! If he looked at me with those adorable eyes... I felt my heart melt in a puddle, but regained self-control enough to shake my head. "Oh, I'm so sorry. But this time I can't take you home..."

"Mew~"

My face went hot again "I can't, even if I want to! It's not my house!"

"Mew!"

"It's dishonorable to hide you from the family" I scowled, bouncing my own ideas on the cat. "I wouldn't be able to explain it!"

"Meeew... Mew!"

The kitty jumped to my leg and climbed nimbly to my shoulder "The excuse of 'he followed me home' only works with baby demon lords... Uh?"

Light was shining around us. I turned on my heels, terrified, to see Beelzebub's pissed off face and Oga's panicked flailing before pain even greater than the one I felt the first time coursed through my flesh. It burnt, it scorched, it hurt and was vicious like a woman scorned. I screamed loudly after the fourth second, and after the eight it stopped, leaving me to fall on my knees and cough dryly. A cloud of smoke went out of my mouth.

* * *

Will Aoi survive? Is the cat alright? Why is Furuichi blushing? Everyone knows the answer already. Or do they? Find out in the next chapter!


	6. Cuteness is relative

**[Chapter Five]**

**Cuteness is relative  
**

* * *

There I was, trying to walk straight. That shock had left me dizzier and fainter than I remember ever being in my life. We were already at home, but I had to search for a shirt before someone saw me; I couldn't just prance around shirtless at the Oga Family's home after all. What if they thought I was some indecent delinquent?

"Oh, Aoi-chan. You look like a mess" Misaki spoke frankly, making me sigh. _So much for discretion._ She patted my back with a confidential smirk "You know, I saw you this morning with the white coat of the Red Tails. Are you the boss?"

"Was. After what happened with Oga and the baby I couldn't keep the place. The vows..."

"...'men are strictly forbidden. If you get one, you quit', is it?" she recited with a crooked smile. "I remember when that rule was put in place."

I oohed, interested "You do? Misaki-san, where you a member?"

"It's long in the past", she shrugged. "Actually I suggested that vow. Men at Ishiyama kept trying to charm the most innocent ones just to stick a knife in their rears and get back at the inner circle. It became a problem, so we had no choice..."

"I can't understand. Charming men at Ishiyama? Are you sure we're talking about the same place?"

Misaki laughed loudly "In my times there was a bunch of them, and the girls were more naïve. But later on I realized that the vow is bullshit!"

"Bull...shit?" I blinked owlishly.

"Every Red Tail is a maiden, living her golden years. Love is just to be expected, and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty, dirty liar!" she said happily. "So you better go get your mantle back, Aoi-chan."

"I... I have a lot of responsibilities besides Beelzebub. There's something important I have to do, and I can't do it while being the Red Tail's boss. Oga's situation is small compared to the other stuff..." I felt a bit disconnected. The vow was _everything_ and that much every Red Tail knew. Maybe Misaki wasn't in a high enough position for her to be forced to follow it? Most probably things had changed a lot since she was a member. Come on, she spoke about attractive men at Ishiyama and _that_ I had yet to see!

She shook her head and smiled good-naturedly. "And speaking of, why do you keep calling my foolish brother _Oga_? You're already _way_ to close for that, right?"

"I-i-it sounds better!" I hurriedly explained, feeling a wave of embarrassment. Me, on first name basis with that moron? Was she idiot? "A-And it gets too awkward when we use first names! I-I have a cousin with the same name as me, so-so we use only our lasts to avoid confusion, so it became habit on me!"

"Eeeh" she trailed off skeptically, a wide grin in her face.

"A-Anyway, I have to change, see you later!"

I entered Oga's room feeling faint. Fiancé, the dreaded word. My god, this sucked so much! Trying to push the awkwardness away, I rummaged through the cardboard boxes at the corner of the room to get decent. And that reminded me, where would I put my stuff? There was no way I would stick my clothes in the same closet as Oga's! But there wasn't free room in the rest of the house to put them... Maybe if I got some cute boxes and leaved it like that? The cardboard was plain ugly...

"Mew?"

The kitty appeared when I was taking off the slightly charred bandage on my chest. I battled with the knee-jerk reaction of kicking him out of the room... after all it was just an animal. The cat stared at me while I peeled off the rest of the cloth, and I felt a little uncomfortable when he curiously regarded at my nude torso. But his wide green eyes and cute mewls made me sweat drop and push aside the feeling. _'Come on, it's just a cat. Why am I being a prude now? I walked the city shirtless just an hour ago!'_

Cutie Furball jumped to my lap and snuggled in my belly purring happily. Just when I reached down to scratch its ears, the door banged open.

"Da... Ai?"

There was Beelzebub, looking at me with wide and betrayed eyes.

'_Wh-what is this? Why do I feel as if my boyfriend caught me sleeping with another man? Cut it out, brat! You're making things too awkward!'_ I thought wildly, seeing alarmed how his eyes narrowed angrily at the cat and his body started trembling. "Wait! It's not what it looks like! C-Calm down!"

"Oi! What's going on in here?"

I never imagined I would be grateful for that little monster's wails, but at that moment I was. Before Oga could enter the room and take a look at my nakedness, a bright column of light flashed and shocked us to the core. Having already been stunned a little while ago by the kid, my body burned even worse in protest and I barely kept the wits to hurriedly shrug on a sports bra before collapsing over Oga's bed, twitching at the random bolts that crackled around me.

*****Da!*****

"Listen please, Young Master; a demon lord is a dignified and powerful ruler. If you let your wrath explode at the sight of that minuscule worm" Hilda looked at the kitty wandering in the living room's floor, "you won't be able to become a... young master, please pay attention!"

It was curious how the maidservant was so gentle and sweet with that spawn from hell. I was collapsed over the couch, looking blankly at the kitty and wondering why Beelzebub was so obsessed with it. The kitty hopped on the table and grabbed a pink flower, strolling purposefully to Hilda and looking at her with his wide green eyes. I suddenly felt a tic in my cheek.

"What... are you doing, kitty?" I mumbled unhappily. "That's a demon, a demon. Don't let her fool you with those giant boo—oooh, I see! You're charming her to get the croquets. And look at that blush, she fell for it... very well, but you better come back..."

"You're creeping me out" informed me dryly Oga. "What's with the cat, anyway? You've been drooling around it since you saw it."

"It's not like I want him for me" I reported flippantly, turning my back on him. I wanted that cat! "Even if he's so cute, fluffy and has those wide...uh?"

I bolted out of the couch, my hand reaching for a wooden sword that I foolishly left at Oga's room. An impressive amount of killing intent was pouring from... the baby, again, who was watching the kitty with a glare worth of any demon. The kitty was midway to take a bite from a dish of croquets in front of him, and that's all I saw before an explosion of lighting knocked me back. _Again._

After that, the giant ossan dove under the table and covered his head shaking in fear for some reason I couldn't fathom, while Oga slumped on the couch with a fed up groan and turned on the TV trying to make the child focus on it. But apparently harassing the kitty was more important to Beelzebub than watching 'Gohan-kun', and it was actually that useless 'father' of his the one who ended watching that weird anime, while I apathetically slouched in the couch and tried to doze off to recover some energy. Those flares would've fried me if I wasn't blasting my own energy forward to lessen the damage, but at that rate I would be dead before Beelzebub had time to say another 'Da'.

"Don't just sit there lazing, Kunieda" Oga spoke suddenly, watching Count Poo being poisoned by Tabasco in his rice, "do something!"

"What do you want me to do? Tell him to stop? If it was so simple, neither of us would be smoking like fried croquets! I don't know why he goes all wailing every time he sees the cat near... us...? That's it!"

"What?"

"Isn't it obvious? He might be jealous of the cat! Maybe he wants to hog all the attention?" I scratched my cheek. "My little cousin is strong and independent, and doesn't really like to be fussed over, but sometimes he gets antsy when he thinks we aren't paying him enough attention. We only have to play with him and he goes back to crawl all over the place."

Oga eyed me skeptically "Beel-boy is jealous? Of a _cat_?"

"He's an egocentric baby, like you. Is it any wonder he's just as stupid? Now go crawl with him and tell him how wonderful he is."

"_Who_ are you calling an egocentric baby?!" Oga looked at me with an annoyed scary face. "And you should be the one playing with him, since you brought that damn animal here to begin with!"

Damn, he was right! "I didn't _bring_ him. He followed me home!" great. Brilliant, Kunieda. "B-Besides, I can't think of that little devil as 'wonderful'. One glances at the cute cat and...!"

I regarded the baby that stopped his chase of the kitty to look at me with wide eyes. But the cat looked at me with those bright feline eyes and I felt my point proven "See? The cat eclipses you so easily..." He seemed oddly downhearted at that, and crawled to pursue the cat with renewed vigor, shouting menacing babbles at it.

"You really are a petty human" called back Hilda, who had been sitting silently at the table. "Resentful of your position, you let out your wrath over the young master who has kindly accepted you as his mother."

"It's the 'young master' who set me a zapper on the wrist and kicked me into domiciliary arrest with an insufferable thug. I'm entitled to a bit of complaining, especially after three attacks like that" I retorted coldly, raising the hand with the Dabul spell or whatever. "Besides, I'm not letting out my _wrath_ on the child. I simply commented on how I don't think he's cute, and his growling and murderous aura doesn't help."

A sword gleamed near my cheek, sharp and metallic.

Then, seconds of strained silence.

Some fear was pooling in my stomach: that maidservant demon was dangerous, and would slice me down if she got the chance! Instinctually, I raised my aura.

"You've taken your disrespect too far" she bit out, ice practically shooting out of her mouth. "If you hate this so much then die, scum."

I had to harden my madly beating heart to recover my ability to speak, and even so took a pair of seconds to answer. So instead of speaking, I raised my hand and touched the naked edge of her katana, focusing my version of the Nadeshiko on it. Sadly it wasn't good enough to slice the steel, but it created a shallow indentation and made Hilda widen her eye. I stood up taking advantage of her momentarily distraction and walked wearily to the kitchen, sensing my stomach cannibalizing itself. But before I entered the kitchen I looked back to Hilda.

"As an exorcist, I _don't grovel before demons_. And who in the world thinks that a baby firing around _killing intent _can be considered 'cute'?"

-break

That night, I had no choice but to follow Oga and the kid to some place for some obscure reason. I didn't know what it was about until I saw Beelzebub standing in front of the cat, arms crossed over his chest and a serious frown in his face. He even had a black cape at his back, moving at the pace of the wind.

"...who had the bright idea?" I asked frowning.

Oga was the one who answered me "Beel-boy, he challenged the _cat_" he blew up some bangs from his face "It can't be helped."

Having recovered my cool after the evening, I acknowledged that I had been ridiculous insulting a little boy, and tried to make a positive comment "Hum... he has a good s-stance, I suppose."

'_Fantastic' _I thought, feeling mortified. _'I can't even think on a proper praise'_

But he was fighting against a _cat_, so maybe I could wait until he won and praise him then. Something like 'I knew you could do it' or 'you are very manly'? Ah, it was useless! Fine, the second he won I would tell him that he looked cute covered in kitty blood—kyaa! No NONONO...

"How can someone be so _lame_?"

I snapped my eyes open at Oga's question, having closed them while I freaked out privately, and looked at the pitiful scene of Beelzebub in the floor immobilized by a cat that didn't seem to even be trying.

But before I could agree with Oga, countless of pairs of glaring red eyes appeared around us, followed by the sounds of a hundred soft paws stepping over the green grass. A lot of cats marched to us, or better said to Beelzebub. They formed a united front, extending from side to side of the before empty field. Just why the hell would they want to bother so much a baby and his cat? Because the kitty was terrified, looking to the avalanche of felines baring their teeth at it. I reached down to my waist where my wooden sword rested, and heard Hilda's worried 'young master', but Oga interrupted us.

"Wait."

I eyed him from the corner of my eye. Did he want Beelzebub to be mauled to death? But his face was unreadable and stern, like when he fought me. I wondered if that was his 'calculating' face. Oga Tatsumi and calculating weren't compatible concepts for me, but maybe that's why I couldn't understand that expression of his. Maybe he was smarter than he let on? Well, he certainly _calculated_ his strength and speed at that fight with me—pulled back his punches, because when he took a shot at my ojii-chan his movements were more explosive and wild.

My gaze returned to the field on time to see the cat hide behind Beelzebub, fur standing on end and a warning hiss on its mouth. The baby eyed him for a while... before standing up in front of it, arms outstretched.

'_Is he... shielding the cat?'_

A little devil's spawn, protecting a little kitty. Even if he was weaker than said kitty... I stood there dumbfounded, barely aware of the quick glance Oga threw at me while he walked leisurely at Beelzebub and stood behind him, cracking his knuckles with a wide dangerous grin. The cats took in the terrifying sight and stampeded out of there, leaving the baby to look confused around him and turn to see his father watching him with as much approval as that menacing idiot could muster.

"You did it, Beel-boy. That was manly of you."

Beelzebub 'da'ed' and stared back at me. Ah, so he was still hurt about what I said in the afternoon? Well, that's what his hesitant stare told me, but as a baby he shouldn't have understood what I said to him... I would think about it later. For the moment I strode to him and crouched to stand at his eye-level.

"I am surprised at your guts" I confessed, again trying to find the words. Encouraging children was Kunie's area of expertise, not mine. "And I'm sorry I was so quick to dismiss you... you were splendid, demo— Beelzebub." I patted his head softly.

Immediately he jumped at me and climbed to my shoulder, doing a weird victory pose. Really, was he secretly a genius baby or what? But even so, I had to admit that the way he gurgled and laughed triumphantly was maybe, kind of, from a weird angle, cute.

* * *

I had been musing since that afternoon about the sleeping arrangements, and after the stroll back to Oga's house, I decided to take the safest plan. I went to Oga's room and searched inside my cardboard boxes until I found a small green tent ojii-chan bought for a field trip when I was in elementary school. It was still sturdy and in good shape, and had a beautiful butterfly stamped at the side.

"What are you doing here?" complained Oga, reading a manga.

"I'll sleep in the roof" I informed him with a resigned sigh. "You should've seen Hilda's face when your sister told me I was going to bunk with them; she will murder me in my sleep if I let my guard down."

He didn't have any compassion for my predicament. "That's what you get for goading her. Honestly, are you idiot or what?"

"You are a professional at infuriating people and she hasn't slaughtered you yet. As I see things, it's perfect she's so mad at me; nothing like a murderous demon to keep me on my toes. But _sleeping_ at her side is plain idiotic."

"Well, good luck with that" he flipped a page of that manga.

I sighed. What was I expecting from him, a conversation? Frankly yes, I was. At the moment we were keeping that charade of being Beel's parents, so maybe I was expecting him to just show a little more interest in his comrade. Maybe I should start a more direct conversation? Oh, no. No, no. That looked dangerously like a path with romantic flag.

"So what's your problem?"

His question took me out of my contemplation and made me straighten my back. _What?_ I took a pair of seconds to shake my head and answer "Nothing!"

"Then get out of my room, _pronto_. I can't read in peace with you in here..."

I felt my face heat from embarrassment. _That's_ why he asked? Oh, stupid, stupid! I threw my tent over my back and walked to his bed. Finally he raised his head and looked at me, but I dismissed him and climbed up his bed, to the window and from there to the roof at the side of it. Busying myself with the tent, I took several breaths to calm down and shook my head.

Even if he just wanted to kick me out of his room, he asked what my problem was. Sure, he was rude about it, but the mere fact that he used a conversation opener... maybe he was trying to be sympathetic? As soon as I thought that, I snorted in amusement. Yeah, and a swine was playing banjo at the bathroom.

'_I should stop being a moron and not read too much onto it... this is temporal, temporal!'_

I froze. That line of thought reminded me that I had to speak with my dear hag of a mother to sort the heir business out, before I lost my 'happy family' and went back to square one. My time limit was in a year, yes, but the sooner I got over with that the better... although just the prospective of asking Oga to pretend to be my husband was enough to make me feel as if I had swallowed ten of Hilda's Tabasco croquets. What should I do?

* * *

**A/N:** Ok, I'm not going to even _bother _anymore. I just CANNOT follow any kind of schedule to post my stuff! Hear my dramatic wail!

It makes me mad with myself, but my life is a bit on the 'I'm doing three different urgent things at the same time' side. Still, I write whenever I have a chance. Damn, half this chapter was dumbly typed on my cellphone and then sent to my other email while I was stuck on the freaking traffic.

But I still _love_ to write crap and post it on the net—it's damn cathartic for me, so I'm not stopping anytime soon. You know what they say: all work and no games makes you go on a killing spree. Or something.

**Other A/N:** It has come to my attention that my prologue (as every other prologue I do), sucks all kinds of ducks. I'll try to post an extra-bit to delve into Aoi's mommy's head... not sure if I'll make it stink any less, but I AM trying. I thank this reviewer who pointed it out for me.


End file.
